***Commentaries by David Prior, Leon Morris and Simon Kistemaker have contributed greatly to this outline***

I. Introduction

Last week someone joked around with me after the sermon and said, “We’re not going to give you two weeks off anymore, you yell too much when you come back!” It was really a joy to be back in the pulpit last week after a couple of weeks off. Now, it’s a joy to be here this morning in this new location (new to us, anyway). I look forward to what God has in store for us in this building. I would encourage you to invite your friends; there is plenty of room for them now!

It seems fitting that we wrapped up a chapter of 1 Corinthians last week. New building, new chapter. However, we must never forget that 1 Corinthians was written as a letter and letters were not read one paragraph at a time. This is why we take so much time each week to remind ourselves of the context of the passage that we are about to dive into. 

Last week we talked about the need for purity in the sexual realm. We saw that God designed sexual relations for the confines of the marriage relationship and that having sex outside of marriage is not only a sin, but illogical. You cannot be one flesh with someone outside of the marriage relationship. It’s literally impossible. The Corinthians were practicing prostitution but prostitution itself is not the issue. Purity is the issue. 

Now, we get to talk about one of my favorite subjects in all of life. Marriage. I love talking about marriage. I’ve been trying to figure out why I love talking about marriage so much. It’s something that has really just recently happened. You may or may not know that I have been married once before Erin. It was before I was a Christian and the marriage ended because she had an ongoing relationship with someone else. Not just someone else, but another woman. I won’t go into all of the details about that time of my life this morning, but I am willing to talk about it and will be happy to answer any questions you may have later. The point is why would a man who has been through something like that love talking about marriage so much? I’ve thought about it and come up with a couple of reasons that I love talking about marriage so much. First, I love being married. I have an amazing wife and we have a pretty amazing marriage. I know that we have only been married two and a half years and you all are saying “just wait,” but the principles that we abide by in our marriage are ones that are laid out in Scripture and they are timeless truths that work no matter how many years you have been married. Erin and I love counseling marriages, and we have seen God’s Word transform willing people. Second, I love talking about marriage because I love the church. It’s not until I fell in love with the church that I really fell in love with the concept of marriage. But the best way for God to relate to the world what Christ’s relationship with the church looks like was to institute marriage. When you see a good Christian marriage, one person giving themselves up for the other, you see an amazing reflection of Christ and the church. 

So, let’s take a look at our passage for today, but first, a story:

Side Show is an unusual musical based on the true story of the Hilton twins. They were Siamese twins who rose from exploited poverty as a sideshow attraction to become a singing and dancing vaudeville act in the 1930s and, later, stars of B-grade films.

One unusual element of this play is that the two lead actresses must play their parts “joined at the hip.” It doesn’t matter how good their individual talents are if they can’t work together, and if they can’t do it convincingly. The success of the show depends on the success of their partnership. If one of them decides to go solo, the show is over! They’re only in business as long as they stick together.

That is a good picture of marriage. Once the commitment is made, husband and wife are, as it were, “joined at the hip.” They succeed or fail together. Other people don’t generally think of one without thinking of the other. Wherever life’s drama takes them, their success lies in doing it together.

1 Corinthians 7:1-7 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." (2) But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (3) The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. (4) For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. (5) Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (6) Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. (7) I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

II. Marriage is good (7:1-6)

In verse 1 we have the first of many “now concerning” statements. These statements introduce topics that the Corinthians somehow asked Paul about. These questions were asked via written correspondence with Paul. Look at verse 1.

1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman."

We don’t really know how this correspondence was delivered but most scholars believe that it was delivered by 3 guys named Stephanas, Fortunatus and Achaicus (16:17). So, just as reminder, we have a number of written correspondence between Paul and the Corinthians. In 1 Corinthians 5 Paul referenced a letter that he had previously written to them (5:9). Then, here, we see that they wrote Paul a letter. In 2 Corinthians we get insight into the fact that he wrote them a letter between what we know as 1 Corinthians and 2 Corinthians.

Some scholars interpret the statement “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman” as a quote from Paul. Others interpret it as a quote from the letter that the Corinthians wrote to Paul. I adopt the latter of these two interpretations. For Paul to say that it is good for a man not to have sex with a woman is to deny God’s plan for marriage and His command to “be fruitful and multiply.” So, the conclusion is that the Corinthians had adopted this mantra from somewhere. 

It is quite likely that a group of people had set themselves so far apart from the immorality of the culture that they decided that it is a good idea to be celibate. This is a common problem. When people find something that they disagree with they react in the opposite direction so much that they themselves wind up being completely wrong, as well. It would be like responding to the sin of abortion by saying that no one should have children. We need to be careful about that and Paul is about to correct the Corinthians thinking on it, as well.

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

The primary reason that Paul gives to the Corinthians for marrying is so that they won’t succumb to sexual temptation. We must be careful not to think that Paul believed this to be the primary reason for marriage period. We know from his other writings that the marriage relationship is one that reflects Christ and the church. This is a peripheral reason for marriage, but one that cannot be dismissed.

Also, it is interesting to note that Paul is championing monogamy. Notice how he says that each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband? The wife and husband are to have a singular partner.  

Paul uses a phrase that should be familiar to us. He said, “Each man should have…and each woman should have.” Back in 1 Corinthians 5 Paul said that a man “has his father’s wife.” We know the context there is that this particular son is having sexual relations with his father’s wife. So also, the context here is sex. Paul is not simply saying that each man should be married and each woman should be married—he is saying that each married person should be having sex with their partner. And with their partner alone.

Paul clarifies what he means in the next two verses.

1 Corinthians 7:3-4 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. (4) For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Notice that Paul does not put one member of the marriage in authority over the other in regards to the sexual relationship. The wife has equal rights to her husband’s body as the husband does to his wife’s body. 

There is much debate over whether or not Paul was ever married. We know that when he penned 1 Corinthians he was single (7:8). However, we also know that Paul was a member of the Sanhedrin and one of the requirements of being a member was that you were married.  If nothing else, the keen insight that Paul has to marriage definitely leads us to believe that he was married at one time.

Also, Paul is sticking with the theme of your body not being your own. Remember we looked at that last week (6:19)? Paul said there, “Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit…you are not your own, you were bought with a price.” Here he is saying, “Your body does not belong to you, it belongs to your spouse.” Are you getting the point? You have no authority over your own body. If you’re married your body belongs to two other people (God and your spouse) before it belongs to you. If you are single your body still doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to God. You have no authority over it. You are not the master of it. Honor God with your body by honoring your spouse with your body.

How do you honor your spouse with your body? Well, there’s more ways than just one, but Paul gives us a glimpse into what he had in mind.

1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Paul’s basic instruction is do not deprive your spouse of their sexual desires. What seems to be an exception is not an exception at all.  The “exception” is done by agreement. The Greek word translated “agreement” is the word that we get symphony from. The husband and wife must be in symphony when deciding to go on a sex fast. One person cannot declare it. There is still no authority of one single person. Just like the actors in the play we talked about in the introduction, you cannot go solo and be successful. You do not get credit for being more spiritual if you are denying your partner their rights. 

Something that is really interesting, and doesn’t necessarily come out in the English translation, is that phrase “do not deprive one another” could be better translated, “do not defraud one another.” This gives us a bit of insight to a couple of things.

First, we can trace back this word “defrauded” to chapter 6. When Paul was chastising the Corinthians for taking their lawsuits before non-believers to judge he said, “is it not better to be defrauded?” It’s the same word. He’s playing to their desire to be treated fairly. Notice in the verse 3 he uses the term “rights.” “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights.” The Corinthians were very concerned about their personal rights and about not being defrauded. Paul used their own soap box issues to encourage them to have healthy marriages.

Second, this gives us a little bit of insight into the intimacy of prayer. The most intimate and pleasurable act that we are allowed to experience on this earth is the joy of sexual pleasure with our spouses. Paul breaks in and says there may be some occasions where you need to give up that intimacy with your spouse to have more intimacy with God. We should note that the sex fast is for a limited time. The language and context give us indication that the time frame should be determined before hand and agreed upon by both parties. 

The reason that it should be for a limited time is that Satan will begin to tempt a person based on their weaknesses. Now, it must be pointed out that Paul is not condemning the desire for sex with your spouse. He states that Satan will tempt them and he knows that they do not have the self control to resist Satan’s temptations. His concern is not their desire, but their lack of self control.

1 Corinthians 7:6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.

In most English Bibles this verse starts a new paragraph. However, it is best to put it with the previous passage. So, Paul was saying that the abstaining from sex with your partner for the purpose of prayer is a concession, meaning that it’s allowed, but not a command. You will not find any command in the Bible for a married couple to abstain from sex. This is a concession for the purpose of prayer. This speaks even more strongly to the intimacy of the prayer relationship with God that I spoke about earlier.

III. Conclusion

 It is a blatant and outright sin to deny your partner of the conjugal rights. There are all kinds of excuses used for not fulfilling the desire of the spouse. Headaches, fatigue, medical issues, fear, children, etc. are often quoted as valid reasons for not having sex with a spouse. This is ridiculous. The command of the Bible is to fulfill your spouses’ sexual desires. Your body does not belong to you. It’s not about you. If a married person is really more concerned about their spouse than they are about themselves we see a successful marriage. Selfishness destroys marriages. 

If you are having trouble in your marriage I encourage you to seek someone out that you trust and tell them your issues. Let them pray with you and for you. Erin and I would be happy to do that. There are many other people who would be happy to do that. You should feel the safety to come to any of the elders or church leaders and get solid, confidential advice on your issue. Please seek us out if needed, we are passionate about healthy marriages.