Church Is Not About You!
A series on the “one another’s”
Part 8 – Bearing with one another
Ephesians 4:2 & Colossians 3:12-13
I. Introduction
-Jenny Thompson is one of the most decorated American women in Olympic history, winning a total of 12 medals.
Eight of those 12 medals were gold. However, she didn’t win any of the golds in individual events; rather, she won them in relay events with three other swimmers.
As a result, some people have questioned whether Jenny’s swimming accomplishments ought to rank her with the “great” Olympic champions.
She asks herself this question. The 27-year-old swimmer from Dove,
individual gold versus a team gold.” And ice-skating champion Bonnie
Blair said recently of Jenny, “I wish she could feel what it’s like for
an individual gold, to witness it by herself and not JUST as part of a team.”
I find Jenny’s accomplishments in the ego-driven
refreshing. With ballplayers moving from team to team and
demonstrating little team loyalty, Jenny is a marvelous example of a
person whose genuine success came in the context of team play.
This is how the church should work, as well. Our true “stardom” occurs
when we participate as part of a winning team. On God’s team, there’s no room for superstars or mega-celebrities who do it all on their own.
This is where Paul’s exhortation to the Ephesians to bear with one another comes into play. He is telling them to be tolerant toward one
another; to bear with them; to patiently endure their idiosyncrasies
and weaknesses; to have a forgiving spirit towards others. But how,
that’s hard to do! Paul uses two different passages to instruct us on
this point. (Ephesians 4:2-3 and Colossians 3:12-13)
Ephesians 4:1-3 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, (2) with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, (3) eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Colossians 3:12-13 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, (13) bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
II. Bearing with one another takes patience
-In both passages where Paul exhorted Christians to “bear with one another” the key word preceding the commandment is patience. The
KJV says longsuffering, I like that terminology. Patience, as we
studied last week, is one of the fruits of the Spirit.
-To “bear with one another”, then, means to be patient with each other’s weaknesses. Not one of us is perfect. All of us fail, particularly in human relationships. How easy it is to expect more from other Christians than we expect from ourselves!
-This reminds me of a well known saying that Google credits a famous Irish saying: “To live above with saints we love, that will be all glory. To live below with saints we know, now that’s another story!”
-This has particular relevance to Christian family living. In the family setting we get to know others like in no other social unit.
We live together day after day, week after week, year after
year. As members of a family unit we are seen at our best and at
our worst—both as parents and as children, husbands and wives, etc.
-Parents often expect more from their children than they do from other children and even themselves.
-Children often expect more from their parents than they do other adults in their lives.
-Spouses often expect more from each other than they do anyone else.
-Together, this dynamic often results in anything but patience with one another.
-The same is often true in the family of God. In a church where people get to know each other as they should, they also get to
know each other’s idiosyncrasies. This is the challenge that Paul is urging us to overcome as we “bear with one another in love”.
-When we are tempted to be impatient with one another, we need to think about Jesus Christ and His attitude of patience
toward us. This was Paul’s secret:
1 Timothy 1:15-17 The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. (16) But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. (17) To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.
-The Lord’s longsuffering and patience toward him marked his life and gave him unusual tolerance for others.
-Seeing himself as the chief of sinners and experiencing God’s love and patience in saving him caused Paul to respond
to others with the love and patience of Jesus Christ.
III. Bearing with one another takes a forgiving spirit
-Bearing with one another and having a forgiving spirit are synonymous concepts. This Paul made clear when he told the Colossians to Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
-Some Christians carry grudges for years. How
miserable! How tragic! And how out of character for
a follower of Christ. How ungrateful for a Christian to
hold a grudge against a fellow believer when Christ has
cancelled our own debt of sin. (Luke 7: 36-47)
Luke 7:36-47 One of the Pharisees asked him to eat with him, and he went into the Pharisee's house and took his place at the table. (37) And behold, a woman of the city, who was a sinner, when she learned that he was reclining at table in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster flask of ointment, (38) and standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment. (39) Now when the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner." (40) And Jesus answering said to him, "Simon, I have something to say to you." And he answered, "Say it, Teacher." (41) "A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. (42) When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?" (43) Simon answered, "The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt." And he said to him, "You have judged rightly." (44) Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. (45) You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. (46) You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. (47) Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven--for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little."
-Often times a person will write off their sin as being a part of there personality.
-Chris Gonzalez has a great post over at his blog. Chris writes:
”It is as if personality is some kind of blank check for acting like an idiot. Too often, personality is an excuse for not changing. "Hey, this is just the way I am." It's as if personality is not a spiritual or weighty issue. Well, we can't just wiggle off the hook that easily, as if we couldn't help it since it was a personality issue.
”I don't see Jesus giving us any wiggle room for disunity based upon personality differences. Check out the apostle's personality profiles and you'll see that we can't just play the personality card and allow our guilty consciences to be soothed.”
-We are called to have a forgiving spirit to those who offend us and sin against us. We are called to forgive
them 77 times.
Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" (22) Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.
IV. Bearing with one another takes hard work
-Immediately following Paul’s charge to “bear with one another in love”
(Ephesians 4:2) he said, “Be eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in
the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3)
-That is what bearing with one another is all about, in fact, that is what this whole series is about…maintaining the unity of the
Spirit. That requires effort.
-Patience and forgiveness are not characteristics that are immediately imparted to you upon your acceptance of Christ
as Lord. They involve deliberate acts of the will.
-Dr. Gene Getz puts it this way; “Every person I know who has an unforgiving spirit chooses to do so. And
often he chooses to let the other person know how he feels—by avoiding that person, by using cutting and sharp words, by talking behind that persons back. This is deliberate action.”
-Christians who really care about each other, who
really are concerned about doing the will of God
at all times, will “be eager to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” This is Christianity in action!
V. Conclusion
-Here are some practical steps in applying this trait of bearing with one another in love.
-Step 1
-Evaluate yourself. In all honesty, make a list of your weaknesses and idiosyncrasies. These questions will help
you.
1. What do I do (or not do) at home that irritates my spouse, parents, siblings, roommates, whatever your living situation may be?
2. What do I do (or not do) at work and/or school that irritates my fellow employees and/or teachers and fellow students?
3. What do I do (or not do) that irritates my friends?
-Step 2
-Now that you have isolated some of our own weaknesses, evaluate these weaknesses in light of your attitudes and
actions toward other Christians. Do you expect more from them than you do from yourself? Do you criticize other in areas of your own weaknesses?
-NOTE: If you are normal, you probably will have to
answer “yes” to both of these questions. Remember to
be honest. Honestly looking at ourselves helps to make
us tolerant of others’ weaknesses.
-Step 3
-Make a list of all Christians that you have difficulty relating to—especially those you hold a grudge against.
-If you can’t think of any, praise the Lord! Don’t drudge up any just to be practical, but make sure
you’re being honest.
-Once you have made the list, ask yourself why you can’t
relate to them, or why you are angry at them. Is it
something they’ve done to hurt you? Are they aware of how
you feel? Are your feelings justified? Or, is it because of
your imagination and an over-sensitive response on your
part? Is their offense really that important in the grand scheme of things? Or, are you upset with them because they remind you so much of yourself?
-Step 4
-This is the most difficult step to take, but you must do it. Consciously and deliberately forgive every person who has
ever done anything to hurt you.
-One by one, talk to each person whom you feel badly about and tell them why you feel the way you do. Ask
them to forgive you for your attitude—even though they may be primarily at fault.
**WARNING**
-Don’t base your “forgiveness” on the condition that they offer an apology. Take care of your own attitude, and God will take care of theirs.
-NOTE: If a Christian has sinned against you in a
manner that requires a repentant response, and
if you have approached that person in love without a response, then you’ll need to follow the guidelines of Matthew 18. Make sure, however, that your approach is characterized by “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” (Colossians 3:12)
-Remember a couple of weeks ago when we looked at “admonishing one another” it is
always to be done with the hopes of drawing that person closer to Christ.
-NOTE: Remember that a Christian is never to take the law into his own hands. Listen to Paul:
Romans 12:17-21 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. (18) If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (19) Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." (20) To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." (21) Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
