Church Is Not About You!
A series on the “one another’s”
Part 9 – Submit to one another
Ephesians 5:21
I. Introduction
-The Christmas before Erin and I got married I bought her a book called Every Woman’s Marriage. I had never read the book but I had read other books in that series and new that it would be pretty good.
After Christmas I also went out and purchased a book for me called Every Man’s Marriage. These books are designed to help the husband and wife get a proper perspective on how to live with one another and what to expect from your spouse in marriage.
Now we’ve all heard for years and years that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands. Any good Christian marriage counselor worth his salt will address this issue when doing pre-marital and marital counseling. This is a biblical command as we shall see later. But, it was foreign to me to hear about male submission. Needless to say I was taken aback by that portion of the book.
I will let you in on a little secret of my life. I’m not a very tolerant person. I’m getting better and I have grown leaps and bounds in that deficiency since I married
Okay, so back to the book. The author tells a story about him and his wife returning to their hometown after being away for many years. They had both gone to high school in this town and that’s where they met and started dating. They were growing more and more nostalgic about being in their hometown and started going to a lot of the places that they had gone to while dating. So, on the way home one night the author has the idea that they should go up to “look out point” like they did in high school.
The drive up to the lookout and are astonished by the breathtaking views their parking spot offers. They could see all the lights of the city. The author gets a little feisty and wants to jump in the back seat for old time’s sake and cuddle with his wife. She promptly refuses saying that people will think that they are doing something wrong. He assures her that everything will be okay and after much coercion he lures her into the back seat.
All of a sudden there is a knock on the window. A police officer is coming by to hustle the kids out of the cars and get them moving along! The wife is terrified, mortified and most of all embarrassed. Even though as a married couple they weren’t doing anything technically wrong, she felt her reputation was compromised.
It was a quiet and cold ride home that night and all because he didn’t submit to his wife’s desires and hesitancies.
II. The four different kinds of submission
-The first kind of submission is not actually submission but rebellion or stubbornness.
-This is looking out for number one. I want what I want and nobody can change my mind. I will not let anybody get in the way of me achieving my goals. I don’t care what friendships I lose along the way as long as in the end I’m successful.
-Your spouse, relatives, friends, coworkers, and children all advise you to do something one way and you choose to do it the way that you want.
-This can manifest itself by buying things that make you feel better at the expense of your family or roommates.
-Clothes, cars, jewelry, tools, furniture, vacations, etc.
-It also manifests itself through the need to be right during inconsequential arguments.
-Who starred in that movie, what year did we go on that vacation, what month did we purchase our couch, whatever the issue may be.
-Even if you are right, just submit for the sake of unity.
-You can submit without admitting to being wrong.
-The second kind of submission that I can think of is submitting as the martyr.
-This is the sacrificial submission that bemoans the fact that you never get your way.
-It can manifest itself in a variety of ways, but one thing is always constant; letting everybody know that you had a good idea that wasn’t taken.
-Perhaps you would have planned a party differently but your ideas were shot down in the planning process.
-Perhaps you would have mowed the lawn differently but were blown off when you offered your suggestion.
-Often times the person will remove themselves from the project because they didn’t get their way.
-The attitude behind this submission is generally shown when something goes wrong with the process. You get all high and mighty knowing that your idea would have worked better.
-The third kind of submission is with a reluctant, bitter and/or pouting attitude.
-This type is closely related to the one above but it doesn’t necessarily involve letting everybody know your idea wasn’t taken.
-You will do what you’re told but with a bitter heart or a pouty attitude.
-This usually manifests itself by withdrawing and being quiet.
-I acknowledge that some people are quiet by nature and being quiet doesn’t necessarily mean that you are pouting.
-The fourth kind of submission is willing, joyful submission to one another out of reverence for Christ.
-This is the submission that the apostle Paul is calling us to.
-This submission manifests itself by humbly and joyfully being thoughtful, considerate, not self assertive and not opinionated.
-Regarding some of the examples listed above, this would manifest itself by participating the planning and decorating for the party by being whole heartedly and joyfully committed to the decisions that were made.
-It manifests itself by being considerate of the financial needs of the family or household. Doing without something that would make you feel better for the good others is a wonderful way to submit.
-Ultimately, following the example of Christ and submitting is what Paul is calling us to.
III. Who submits to whom?
-It is vitally important to look at our verse in context to understand what Paul is saying.
Ephesians 5:15-21 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, (16) making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. (17) Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. (18) And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, (19) addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, (20) giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, (21) submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
-Are you seeing the point that Paul is trying to make? He is contrasting the world with the Church or, more accurately, the Christian.
-This is Paul’s point when he says, “Look carefully then how you walk,”
-Not as unwise (world) but as wise (Christian)
-Do not be foolish (world) but understand what the will of the Lord is (Christian)
-Do not get drunk with wine (world) but be filled with the Spirit (Christian)
-Paul is clearly saying that submitting to one another is one way that we will manifest the Spirit in our lives and that separates us from the world.
-This verse (vs. 22) then serves as a link between what has come before and what is going to come after, for Paul is now going to give some examples of submission.
Ephesians 5:23-33 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. (24) Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (25) Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, (26) that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, (27) so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (28) In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (29) For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, (30) because we are members of his body. (31) "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." (32) This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. (33) However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
-The clear command in this passage is for the wife to submit to her husband. We’re not going to gloss over this command, not by a long shot. But we’re also not going to spend a lot of time here. Most godly women know this command the question that some need to ask themselves is what type of submission are they giving (rebellion, reluctance, martyrdom, or joyful).
-Wives, you are to submit to your husbands whether they are worthy of that submission or not.
-An important thing to understand is this; the husband is the one that is going to answer to God for the governing of his family. You are called to submit to his leadership, authority and decision making.
-However, that does not mean that you are to be silent and just let him do what he wants with being afforded an opinion. God has gifted all of us in different ways. There is no way that I would make any sort of decision without consulting with
-That doesn’t mean that I always take her advice though. Ultimately I am the one who has to answer to God for the decisions that are made and she understands that. In those situations she has joyfully and graciously submitted to my authority.
-Ladies, your husbands will make mistakes. He will make bad decisions. He may even make fatal decisions. Remember, that he answers to God for those decisions, not you. You do him no favors by recalling the situation and taking an “I told you so” attitude with him.
-The second submission command in this passage is a little more discreet, but definitely there. Husbands must submit to their wives. In verse 25 Paul says,
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
-The question has to be asked, how did Christ give Himself up for the church?
-Obviously the first and foremost way is that He gave up His life. But I don’t believe that’s all that Paul is talking about here. Remember in Philippians 2 Paul talks about how our attitude should be like Christ’s
Philippians 2:6-8 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, (7) but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. (8) And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
-He gave up some of His rights and privileges as God in order to become human and provide us a way to have a reconciled relationship with God.
-He did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, or held onto, but humbled himself.
-God is not calling husbands to “play God” in the relationship but to give themselves up for their wives.
-Here is a list of other passages that will help you in your understanding of husbands submitting to their wives:
-1 Corinthians 7:1-5
-Colossians 3:19
-1 Peter3:1-7
-The next group that Paul exhorts to submit is children to their parents.
Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (2) "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), (3) "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." (4) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
-Children are to be submissive to their parents. That is another one of those well known doctrines.
-These are all evidence of a Christian walking in the Spirit, which is what sets us apart from the world.
-Children, God has called you to obey your parents.
-Parents are also to be submissive to their children.
-The passage here directly addresses fathers, but the principle applies to both parents. Do not provoke your children to wrath.
-I always wondered as a child why preachers didn’t keep going when they taught the passage about children obeying their parents!
-My mom made me take piano lessons. Now, I have absolutely no musical ability whatsoever. I can’t even play the radio in tune! But I took those lessons and I was terrible. I would embarrass myself at recitals and I was horrified. I was an athlete not a musician.
-Eventually my mom saw that I just wasn’t getting it, but not until after I had some major mess ups. She finally gave up on the piano lessons!
-The main point of this passage, though, is not to be harsh with them. This is a tendency that all parents have, but especially parents with teenagers.
-There comes a point in a child’s life where your role changes from being their brain to allowing them to use it and make a few mistakes along the way.
-Not being too harsh with them when they make those mistakes is the key. Not that you just let the mistakes go unnoticed, or without consequence, but that you are careful not to be excessively harsh. Let the punishment fit the crime, as it were.
-The final group that we will look at this morning is submission of slaves to masters.
Ephesians 6:5-9 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, (6) not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, (7) rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, (8) knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. (9) Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.
-There are two stances to take on this verse. One is that it doesn’t apply to us because we don’t have the problem of slavery anymore and the other is to over simplify it by saying that it applies to our workplace and our earthly bosses without any regard for the fact that it was originally written in the context of slaves.
-We want to land in the middle, keeping in mind that Paul is addressing slaves here, but, our application is for our workplaces.
-Notice that as Christians it is not enough to work for your bosses only with good deeds, but you must also do it with a pure heart.
-We are called to do that because ultimately we work for the Lord, not for man. Again, he has called us to be different from the world.
-Not by way of eye service, as people-pleasers (world) but as servants of Christ (Christians).
-Rendering service with a good will as to the Lord (Christians) not to man (world).
-Notice that we are not only to serve our Christian masters (bosses) that way, but all bosses, whether slave or free.
-Masters are also called to be submissive to their servants.
-Stop threatening
-Let God be both their master and yours
-This is so that non-Christian bosses will be able to see a difference in their Christian employees and so that non-Christian employees would be able to see a difference in their Christian bosses.
IV. Conclusion
-When I first noticed this pattern through this portion of Scripture it really excited me. I get excited by weird stuff like that. Did you notice the mutual submission in all of those instances? Wives submit to husbands, husbands submit to wives. Children submit to parents, parents submit to children. Slaves submit to masters, masters submit to slaves. It was so clear! Submitting to one another is what Christ desires from us.
-This pattern is not exclusive to Ephesians. We see in other portions of Scripture that the church is to be submissive to the elders, but the elders are to be submissive to the church (not lording it over them, serving them, etc.). We see that the church is to be submissive to Christ, but also that Christ was submissive to the church in the sense that He gave up some rights and privileges to reconcile us to His father. We are also told that Christians are to be submissive to the government, but also that the government is to be submissive to the people.
-It is important to note that Paul is addressing Christians in all these scenarios. He is addressing Christian wives and husbands, Christian children and parents and Christian slaves and masters. There is no way we can expect non-Christians to be submissive the way that the Bible calls us to. This is only done by the power of the Holy Spirit. That is why Paul says do not be drunk with wine (not submissive to anyone) but be filled with the Spirit.”
-It is also important to not that Christians are to respond in submission to even non-Christian spouses, parents and masters.
-Some of you might be saying, “You don’t know my husband, or my children, or my boss.” Let me just say this, you’re right. But, if you can’t do it for them, do it for Christ, for that is the command that we’re given, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
