***Commentaries by David Prior, Leon Morris and Simon Kistemaker have contributed greatly to this outline***

I.                   Introduction

More and more Americans are opting for cohabitation instead of marriage, according to a recent U.S. News and Word Report article.  The most recent sociological surveys have found that more than half of today’s newlyweds live together before tying the knot, compared to 10% in 1965.  “Living in sin,” as it used to be called, was illegal in every state of the union before 1970.  Further research has found that while unmarried cohabitors have sex more often than married couples (one more act per month), there’s also more cheating by both partners, as well as more domestic violence and cases of depression.  Some of the sociologists doing this research are urging young adults to reject the argument that cohabitation is good preparation for marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:36-40  If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry--it is no sin.  (37)  But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.  (38)  So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.  (39)  A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.  (40)  Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

II.                Instructions for the betrothed  (vv. 36-38)

Paul comes full circle and starts addressing the betrothed couple.  There are a couple of things that we need to be aware of as we consider these instructions.  First and foremost, we must understand that betrothal is a lot different from what we call engagement today. 

The main difference is that engagement is a decision of commitment made by two individuals who are in love with each other and have a desire to spend the rest of their lives together as husband and wife.  Betrothal was an arrangement made by the parents, namely the fathers, of each party and was based primarily on social status and work ethic. 

Another difference is that engagement is ended with little, or no, trouble, per se.  Sure there’s the cost of the ring, and the potential embarrassment of having to tell family and friends why you had to call off the wedding, but for the most part, in a few years people won’t remember.  With betrothal, however, it took the same legal proceedings as a divorce to end it.  It was a serious deal and one that was extremely difficult to keep private. That’s why the Bible tells us that when Joseph found out Mary was pregnant he “had it in mind to divorce her.”

          Let’s take a look at Paul’s instruction to the betrothed.

1 Corinthians 7:36-38  If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry--it is no sin.  (37)  But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.  (38)  So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

We are met with an interpretive problem here.  There are three common ways the first sentence is interpreted.  I will outline all three for you, give you the problems that occur if you take that view and then tell you where I land. 

          View 1:  Father-daughter

This view holds that the “anyone” in verse 36 is a father.  He is not behaving properly toward his betrothed daughter because he is not allowing her to marry.  Those who interpret this verse that way believe that Paul is commanding the father to let his daughter marry the man whose passions are strong.  But if the father is convinced in his heart that there is no necessity for them to marry and the young man has his desires under control then he is free to continue to prevent her marriage. 

The main reason for this interpretation is that the phrase “let them marry” at the end of verse 36 is passive, meaning that the father gives the daughter in marriage.

The problems with this interpretation are many, however.  First, those that interpret it that way change the word “betrothed” to “daughter.”  Even betrothed is kind of a loose interpretation.  The proper interpretation is “virgin.”  Changing it to betrothed is somewhat understandable, but changing it to daughter is just putting your own opinion on the text. 

Another problem is that the verb that is translated “let them marry” that we discussed a bit ago as being passive had lost that emphasis by the time this letter was written.  There are other extra-biblical writings where that term is used to describe marriages that weren’t arranged.  Also, given the practice of arranging marriages was not a tradition of the Greeks.  The Jews did it quite often, but the Gentiles were not known for that.  So, the main peg that this camp hangs their hat on does not seem to apply to them.

                   View 2:  Spiritual marriage

Interpreters that hold to this view claim that Paul has in mind a couple who is married spiritually, but are living together as brother and sister, so to speak.  There is union of spirits but no union of bodies in this relationship.  Paul, then, would have in mind the situation in which the man is feeling uncontrollable desires for the woman.  His instruction, in that situation, is get married.  But, if the young man has the gift of continence then he does better to remain unmarried.

The main support for this interpretation actually comes much later in church history. There is evidence that these sorts of unions were very common.  However, there is no evidence that any such thing existed in the middle of the first century. 

The major problem with this interpretation is that it goes completely and totally against what Paul commanded at the beginning of this chapter.  If a couple is married part of their spiritual duty is to provide one another with their conjugal rights.  They are not to be denied the pleasures of sex within the marriage relationship, except for a short time for the purpose of prayer.

Also, even if the young man can control his desires it is very possible that his virgin will not be able to.  Paul’s instructions have always been that if you have the gift of continence the proper response is to remain single, not to enter into to some sort of marriage that doesn’t include sex.

                   View 3:  A betrothed couple

Interpreters holding this view see Paul’s instructions to a young man that is betrothed to a young woman.  Perhaps because of the present distress they have decided not to marry right away.  But the physical temptations are becoming too much for the young man.  Paul counsels him to seek marriage as a solution to the dilemma that he is facing.  Paul assures him that in doing so he does not sin.  If the person can control his desires and decides to remain unmarried Paul approves of this decision, as well.

The difficulty with this interpretation is that we tend to put our cultural understandings of engagement in this passage.  We cannot do that.  This is the interpretation that I favor.

We are met with another interpretative issue when Paul says that he who marries does well and he who does not marry does better.  Does Paul value singleness over marriage.

I think you can say that he does, because he consistently says that in his opinion it is better to be single.  However, he certainly does not have a low view of marriage.  It is his opinion, as one who has been counted trustworthy by the Lord, that singleness is better.   If you marry you do well, if you stay single, you do better.

III.             Instructions for the widows (vv. 39-40)

1 Corinthians 7:39-40  A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.  (40)  Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Paul concludes this section on marriage, divorce and remarriage with a reminder of the permanence of marriage.  The wife is bound to the husband (and by implication the husband to the wife) as long as both are alive. 

He gives the widow freedom to remarry, only in the Lord.  So the freedom isn’t carte blanche.  The instructions for the widow to marry in the Lord go beyond the widow, for why would he impose a rule on the widow that didn’t apply to everyone else?  Certainly in view of the present distress that he referenced he would want those who were going to marry to be married in the Lord.  

Paul’s opinion is that the widow is in a happier frame of mind if she remains unmarried.  However, he seems to understand that loneliness and grief cause happiness to be muddled.  Conversely, a widow who remarries faces the challenges of entering another man’s family, which potentially creates problems of its own. 

There are other portions of Scripture where Paul urges, in fact, he commands, young widows to remarry. 

1 Timothy 5:9-16  Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband,  (10)  and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.  (11)  But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry  (12)  and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith.  (13)  Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.  (14)  So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.  (15)  For some have already strayed after Satan.  (16)  If any believing woman has relatives who are widows, let her care for them. Let the church not be burdened, so that it may care for those who are truly widows.

So we must draw the conclusion, then, that Paul’s opinion is given in light of the present distress the Corinthians were facing, singleness was better.  But, in most all other circumstances marriage was the accepted way.

IV.            Conclusion

That wraps up chapter 7!  We have spent 6 weeks in this chapter alone.  It is one of the most important chapters of the book, and one of the ones that we will spend the longest in.  You can look forward to extended portions of time in chapters 12-14, and chapter 15, as well. 

Paul started out the chapter by encouraging married couples to have sex.  Because of the immorality that exists in society it is good for marriage partners to be satisfied at home.  Couples may choose to abstain from sex for the purpose of prayer but this must be done only for a short time.

Paul then stated that marriage and singleness are both gifts from God.  Some people are gifted for singleness and others are gifted for marriage.  Paul does not elevate one over the other, but recognizes them both as gifts from the Lord.

Paul gives strong support for the permanency of marriage.  He said that a husband and wife must not divorce, even in the case of one being a believer and one being an unbeliever, as long as the unbeliever is willing to stay married.  If the unbeliever chooses to leave the believer is not bound and is free to remarry.

Then our passage today.  The betrothed and the widows.